The Myth Of The 'Real Man': Vile Modern Society Ina-crush Mabros

⏳ 3 Minutes Read • Feeling Lost

Photo: TED Talk

Yoh buda, ebu sikiza. Hii message ni yako – whether unaisoma kwa phone uki-feel empty ndani yako, ama pia unashangaa mbona life inakaa ngumu huku nje. Well, pull break kidogo. Take a breath. Hii ni story yako.

At this age, niko sure umeskia hizi stories:

“A real man lazima akuwe provider”

“A real man doesn't cry”

“A real man step-ups, bila kucomplain.”

Hizi phrases huwa zinakuwa thrown around ni kama gospel truth. But let's cut the crap !

Ukweli ni hii – hapo hakuna wisdom, ni chains. Hii ni njia sneaky ya modern society kutuprogram kama wanaume so that tufeel worthless... unless tufit kwa demands na molds zao, zenye pia zinasound impossible.

And the worst part? It's working.

Na hii kitu inacrash vijanaa huku nje, and it's about time tuongee 🗣️

Naandika hii coz currently, I can't stay silent anymore. Mimi pia nimefeel hio pressure ya “man up” daily – ukionyesha weakness unachekwa, uki-stress unambiwa be tough. Na hii ni psychological na pia emotional war, na imefika time tuwache kucheza nayo.

Najua hii ni controversial, lakini... Most of the time utapata hii yote ikiwa wrapped in the form of modern feminism.

Initially, feminism ilikuwa tool ya kupigania equality na ku-empower wanawake. Na sio mbaya, yes ! Lakini saa hii imekuwa twisted, na most women (not all), wanaitumia ku-belittle wananume na pia humiliation.

Relatable?

Tuko kwa ile generation yenye imepotea kabisa. Wanaume ndio punchline daily... Sisi ni villains, na fixers pia. All at once.

But hey, hauyuko solo.

Programming Huanza Mapema – Uko Wired For Failure Already, Ni Vile Hujui...

Think back, ukiwa mtoi. Labda uko tu nje unacheza na fellow boyz, and then uanguke na ukuwe scratched. Alafu adult random apite hapo akishout “boys don’t cry, be a man.”

Ama kwa shule, wale ma-tough boys wanakuwa praised, na wale quiet wanapewa label ya “soft.” Hapo ndio game huanza.

Society inakubrainwash – ati kuna kitu inaitwa “real man”. Wapi. Mwanaume ni mwanaume – na flaws, na emotions, na humanity.

Photo: The Bona Venture

Na hii programing sio accidental. System haitaki ukiwa free.

Gava, media na corporations – zote zinabenefit from men who are stoic providers/believers. Wanataka useme “manhood = kujitoa sadaka”. Corporates wanakufinya kwa kazi, gava inakutumia kama pawn, media inakuonyesha tu macho-macho (vulai) – no weakness. Wasee wanakua kama robots.

Because think about this: kama wananume wana-question tu worth yao ile time hawako “real” enough, then obviously wataishi kuchase validation na status... Mainly through productivity na appearances.

Na worse? Ni watu wako wenye wako karibu na sisi wana-enforce hio standard. Family, mabeshte, colleagues and yeah madem pia (No Offence).

Most of the time utaskia “a real man anafaa kuwa hivi…”

Once again, sio madem wote but still enough ku-sting deep !

Feminism Factor – Empowerment To Emasculation?

Wacha tukuwe real. Chenye nitasema ni controversial lakini inabidi.

First of all, feminism sio “entirely” mbaya. Initially, feminism ilikuwa tool ya kuadvocate for equal rights, na kuinua wanawake wakuwe seen.

But somewhere along the line, mambo ikabadilika. Saa hii “modern feminism” imekuwa more of belittling and humiliating men.

Ebu angalia social media:

    “Men are trash.”

   “Toxic masculinity.”

  “Men are predators.”

Sometimes hata unashindwa kuelewa.

👉So, ukishow feelings – wewe ni WEAK.

👉And then ukiwa silent – wewe ni TOXIC.

Yaani, hii ni no-win situation.

Don't get me wrong, najua patriarchy inaumiza kila mtu, including sisi vijanaa. But mimi najua kitu moja, calling out “modern feminism” haimaanishi necessarily mi ni anti–woman. Ni humanity.

It is what it is !

Sijui kama umewai skia kuhusu movement fulani ilikuwa inaitwa  #MeToo. Ilikuwa poa coz ya kuexpose sexual abuse kwa madem, but pia iliacha wasee wengi wakiwa paranoid. Saa hii hata kuongea normal na dame unaogopa.

Na hii kitu inaua, yes. Cheki suicide rate ya maboys vile iko juu. 

Mbona? Ju tumefundishwa kuficha emotions, kunyamazia pain, na kujidai strong... Madem wakiwa na shida wanaseek help, na wanasaidiwa. Lakini sisi maboyz tunakuwa mocked.

Society inapretend ati maboys wako na “Power” lakini real power iko wapi kama kila siku unaskia uko worthless?

Lakini cha maana, usisahau hii yote ni planned, so unaweza reject.

Hii pressure ya “real man” inafanya wasee waquestion worth yao daily. Una-provide? Una-grind? Basi uko sawa. Uki-fumble kidogo, unashikwa na guilt.

Najua most of us tume-experience na tunaweza relate.

For Now...

Reject hiyo label ya “real man.” Uko mwanaume vile uko.

Feelings. Flaws. Fumbles.

Weakness ni human, of course.

Tujenge brotherhood, tupige ma-real convos. 

Challenge hio nonsense. Ukiambiwa “real man hafanyi hivi,” sema tu straight “Man ni man. Period.”

Feminism inaweza rudi back to it's true purpose, if we demand. Na society? I guess itabadilika ile siku tutawacha kuplay along.

Redefine success. Sio kila kitu lazima iwe pesa au influence ya society. Ni peace of mind yako, na growth yako.

Bruh, from now on usiuziwe hiyo uoga ya “real man.” Ni cage society imewekea maboys. Toka huko. Kuwa real wewe mwenyewe – raw, flawed, authentic.

Na hii journey sio yako pekee yako. Tuko wengi tunaskuma hio weight. Tukibond pamoja, tukibreak hizi chains, tutaandika script mpya ya manhood.

You’re enough. Hapo vile uko.

No mask, no label.

YOU'VE GOT THIS 💪