Embracing the Mirror of Others: Why People's Perceptions Aren't Your Reality

⏳ 5 Minutes Read • External Voices

Photo: Freepik

If you're a young guy, either in your teens ama twenties, na unapitia ile phase ya growth kwa life; self-improvement, hustle, side gigs, social dynamics — lazima umeshagundua kitu moja painful.

No matter how you grind, vile umechange, ama umelevel up kiasi gani, kuna watu bado wanakuona vile ulikuwa kitambo. Kuna watu wako still stuck to your older version.

Na hiyo feeling hukuwa frustrating. Na hapa ndio kuna truth bomb, watu wengi huku nje wataendelea kukuona kulingana na perception yao, not your reality.

Na the sooner unakubali hivo, the better. Ni liberating, na pia essential for your sanity and growth.

Kwa hii article, tunaingia deep: kwa nini hii kitu hufanyika, vile ina-affect mental health (especially sisi vijanaa), na vile unaweza handle without loosing your cool. 

The Illusion of The “Old You”...Why Perceptions Lag Behind

Imagine this bro: Umekuwa uki workout, finally umedrop your bad habits, umeanzisha ka side hustle, na hata umeanza kusoma relevant books ama therapy working on your emotional intelligence. In short, umegrow.

Unajisikia uko freshi (new person, new life). Uko focused, confident, na tofauti kabisa.

Lakini huku nje, labda kuna wale tu former high school mates, wanakuona bado ukiwa “that lazy guy”...from back in the day. Or worse, family members ama mabeshte wanakudismiss, pamoja na ambitions zako.

Why? Coz wao wako focused na your older version.

It's also because the human brain imeprogramiwa kuwa efficient, sio accurate. Psychologists huita hii concept “confirmation bias”... yaani, mtu akishakujua kutoka zamani, especially first impressions; hata ubadilike aje, atatafuta evidence ya kuconfirm your older version.

Kama mtu alikuona ukiwa irresponsible ukiwa 18, kila slip-up yako ataitumia kama justification. Na mostly wata-ignore wins zako. Na kama maboyz, hii pressure iko extra.

Society kazi ni ku-scream “man up,” lakini hata tukifanya hivyo, hawachange lens yao instantly.

Na hii sio shida yako pekee yako. Ebu angalia celebrities kama Robert Downey Jr. — jamaa alichange kabisa, lakini bado tabloids huchimba scandals zake za kitambo.

Same script kwetu normal people.

Ex wako anaweza kukuona forever kama the “immature” guy.

Boss wako anaweza ignore ideas zako juu alikuemploy ukiwa junior.

Bottom line? Perceptions ni projections. Zinatoka mostly kwa baggage ya observer. Maybe ni insecurities, experiences, ama hata wivu, not reality. It's got nothing to do about you.

Na mara nyingi hii inakuja na ile temptation ya kujitetea. Kuna ile urge ya kutetea glow up yako. Na hapo ndio trap iko majamaa. By being defensive, already una-validate views zao. Instead, kubali tu that huwezi rewrite opinions za watu. Besides, sio wewe uko responsible. Hard truth.

When External Voices Become Internal Noise

Kupretend hii kitu hai-affect mental health yako ni kujidanganya. Inaweza seem as if ni tough-guy advice, lakini usipoiaddress itaflood peace na self worth yako. Eventually.

Ukifeel misunderstood sana, isolation huanza kucreep in.

Na unaanza kujiquestion:

“If they don't see it, is it real?”

Na unajua too much doubt huleta impostor syndrome. Hadi achievements zako zinaanza kufeel fake. Na kwanza sisi wanaume tuko kwa high risk ya anxiety na depression, especially wakati social validation iko low. Naturally, binadamu ni social beings. Tunakuwanga wired for connection.

Na wakati perceptions za watu haziko aligned na vile tunajiona, inatengeneza mental tug-of-war na tunakuwa drained mentally.

Photo: Alamy

I've been there, still do, after kuamua kutoka kwa ile phase messy na nikaanza ku-embrace change, some close people's remarks zilifanya nikajidoubt for a moment. Most of the time wondering why I couldn't “fix” their minds. Turns out, mimi sikuwa responsible for any of that.

Hiyo inaitangwa rumination, na ni fuel ya generalized anxiety disorder.

And it's not just personal, hii mambo ni generational. You've seen it.

With so much social media amplification, sisi mayut tunacompare not only lifestyles but perceptions. Yeah !

Most of us Gen Zs often tunajiskia misunderstood na older generations.

If you're a young man of color, coming from a low-income background, or LGBTQ+, layers of stereotypes amplify this.

Perceptions sio neutral; zinakam na biases zenye slowly zinacrack our mental health.

But the good news is, once ume-acknowledge all this already usha-reclaim control. Awareness muhimu.

So, How Do I Navigate This?

1️⃣. Own Your Story: Anza na journaling kiasi ya journey yako. Detail everything. Wins, setbacks, na growth.

Na hii sio ju ya watu—ni ju yako.

Inajenga self-validation, na inapunguza ile urge ya approval.

2️⃣. Set Boundaries: Anytime unakuwa tempted kuji-defend, pause. Respond with grace.

Na kama ni toxic, ni vizuri kuchorea.

Kujitetea sana ina-reinforce bias yao. Instead, surround yourself na watu wanaona the current you.

3️⃣. Practice Mindfulness: Meditation sio vibes tu, ni tool actually. Husaidia sana in observing thoughts bila attachment.

Anytime judgment hits, label it kama perception yao, not your truth.

“Hii ni perception yao, sio truth yangu.”

Over time, akili yako inazoea.

For mental health, pair with therapy.

4️⃣. Build Support Squad: Tafuta circle ya 

mentors, mabeshte, ama tu online communities... place yenye utapata watu wanavibe na evolution yako.

5️⃣. Reframe na Redirect: Instead ya hurting, turn hizo perceptions into fuel. Kama watu bado wanaona the older version of you, tumia hiyo kama proof ya how far you've come.

Focus na outcomes, sio opinions.

Dealing isn't about ignoring feelings; it's about processing them healthily. Na ukiskia escalation imezidi, anxiety or depression, seek professional help.

A Shared Struggle...

Kama hii imekugusa, we jua hauko pekee yako. Uko in good company. Kila msee mwenye anachase self-improvement amepitia hii. A 2024 WHO report estimates that 1 in 7 young adults wanapambana na mental health issues zenye ziko tied na social pressure. Keep pushing through.

As you keep evolving, the right people will notice. Perceptions hubadilika polepole, lakini sio by force, consistently. Na hii sio lazima. Either way, progress yako ni firm na real.

Wewe ndio unajua worth yako.

Na life inakuwanga poa ukiacha kuperform for people's opinions and views.

Keep grinding, king. Story yako ni yako.