You Think Making Everyone Happy Works? That's Straight–Up Insanity Bro !

⏳ 3 Minutes Read • People–Pleasing

Photo: Freepik

Skiza poa, juu nataka kudrop some brutal truths zenye zitakuuma, just like reality itself. Kama uko in your early 20s — ama any age yenye bado unajikunja mgongo ku-make sure kila mtu ako sawa — basi hii itakuhit direct.

Ile pressure ya kusema “Yes” while guts zako zinakuambia “No.”

Ile habit ya kumeza opinions zako, as if ni bitter pills, ju hutaki drama ama conflict? Yeah. Hiyo ndio trap ya people-pleasing, na haikuwangi tu exhausting, ni kujiharibia maisha live. Infact ni wenda wazimu. Na deep down, unajua.

Wengi wenu, wenye mnasoma hii mko fresh kwa hii kitu inaitwa life. Ndio kuingia into “the real world” and suddenly kila mtu akona script au opinions kwa maisha yako.

Hii ni ile time wazazi wanaku–envision ukiwa daktari, engineer, or whatever gig wanadhani ni stable. So unaenroll hiyo course, even though inafeel draining kwa soul yako. But still unajiambia “I don't want to disappoint them.”

But wait, ni nani exactly unadisappoint?

It's you of course.

Na si family pekee. Marafiki, partners, na hata watu random — wote wako na maoni. 

▪️Sometimes, unabaki kwa toxic relationship juu kuachana italeta “drama,” right?

▪️Or, you let your friends walk all over you. Wanakuomba pesa ama time huna, and still unawa-entertain, just ku-keep peace.

▪️Hell, you might even agree with opinions you don't like — maybe ni politics, life choices, whatever — juu unaogopa ukijiexpress watu watakuona “controversial” ama “mgumu”

NEWSFLASH !! controversy si kifo. Ni sign uko alive na unafikiria.

So, swali ni, mbona tunafanya hivi?

Photo: Freepik

Blame it on biology, society, ama your inner child yenye bado inataka approval.

In your early 20s, brain yako — especially prefrontal cortex (Ile part ya decision making na long-term thinking) — bado inagrow. Uko programmed kutafuta belonging, fitting in.

Na hiyo gradually ina-lead to F.O.M.O on steroids. The Fear Of Missing Out on love, respect, ama kuonekana as the “bad guy” Angalia social media — kila like, comment, ama unfollow ina-feel kama judgment ya value yako. So una-curate maisha yako kama IG feed: clean, palatable, na fake as hell.

Painfully inauthentic.

And here's the bitter truth, people-pleasing ni ujinga. Na haisaidii hata kidogo. Fikiria. Now matter how you reframe it. Watu watacomplain tu at some point.

👉🏾 Let's say umegraduate hiyo degree wazazi walikupush? Cool. Still watakuwa nagging about your job, your partner wako, ama hata lifestyle.

👉🏾 Ukivumilia a toxic friendship? Watu wataku-drain mpaka ukuwe dry, halafu wakupotee wakipata kitu better.

👉🏾 Na hizo opinions zako “controversial” una-swallow hazipotei. Zina-compound until siku moja zita-explode eventually.

Worse still, itafanya watu wakuzoee. Since hauna boundaries, unakuwa mtu go-to wa favors, dumping ground ya emotions, and such. Na watu wataku-exploit na walose respect at the end.

Na watu wataongea either way.

• Do good? Utaambiwa ni show-off.

• Fanya makosa? You're a failure.

• Stay neutral? Boring.

• Win big? Jealous whispers.

• Lose? “Si tulikwambia hiyo huwezi”

All that ni human nature, gossip ni currency, na judgment ni kama sport. Ni kitu huwezi avoid. So fellow yutman, be unapologetically you. Cut toxic ties, hata kama italeta backlash.

Imagine this. What if actually ungeacha ku-audition kwa plays za watu wengine na uanze ku-direct yako? Ukweli ni hii majamaa, hii dunia hai-revolve kuhakikisha kila mtu ako comfortable. You'll loose some “loved ones” along the way.

The real ones will stick though.

It's not too late to break free.

Just start small: Sema “No” kwa kitu moja yenye unaona haiku-serve. Ongea hizo opinions zako provoking. Pole pole, utajenga resilience, uta-attract more meaningful connections... na pia utaanza kupenda the new version of YOU.

Freedom inaonja poa kushinda approval siku zote.